Sometimes things need to be written that have barely been thought. Please note this is probably not suitable for a younger audience. Or men. Or most women to be honest…

Oh knickers, dear knickers,
We must now part
You know I’ve loved you
right from the start

Oh dear pair of knickers
You’ve been my oldest friend;
Snuggling my every dip
And hugging my every bend

But now your virginal white
has turned into slag heap grey
And I know, my dear knickers,
it’s time we call it a day.

Oh knickers, dear knickers,
We’ve shared some good times and bad,
You were often with me
when there was fun to be had,

You’ve been the crutch to my crotch
the pardon on my lady garden
The woohoo on my noo noo
The buff to my muff…

You never fuss it
When cradling my gusset
You are the respectable front
to cover my

Blunt, I may be…

but you’ve been special to me.

You’ve never impinged on my minge;
Without a moan or a winge
Youve been respectful
To my bare faced cheek,

Oh my Scanty Panties, I thank you
for the many – sordid – secrets you keep
But I have to be honest,
your future’s now bleak.

You’re frayed and torn,
withered and worn
saggy and baggy –
you make my ass look craggy

so

Knickers, dear knickers,
I must bid you a final, grateful goodbye,
And with heavy heart now send you
to that holey underwear drawer, in the sky.